Beeepp!! Make a way. It's rush hour??

Beep beeep, Honk honk!!! I-am-soo-done-with-these-noises.My head is driving crazy. I feel like my ear drums are about to explode in about any moment. People really should learn some patience while driving especially in jammed traffic. What's the point of honking behind people when the light is still red or if it is green the traffic is still jammed packed? Will that make traffic to clear off? No way! It will only make everything worse then it was before. Ahh!! We do not have flying cars. Not yet.May be in upcoming future, but now? Heloo?? I wish, I could banned this beeper thing in cars. I really do. Great thing I am not in traffic controlling system. 
This quote just made me realized to see this issue differently. Since, I really don't know if I will be able to do something about it or not. But I can change my behaviour towards it. As it is said before Learn to accept the things you cannot change” (umm..  I guess it  was something like this)

Here,
“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, 
wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a 
celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”

― Jarod Kintz

Listen for once- Please listen.

I want you to listen instead of pretending. There are thousand's of unspoken words you can hear if you just listen. Observe me, Listen what my eyes have been speaking, look here they are screaming out loud. Give it a look; for once.

You think you know me. You think you understand. I bet you would if you would see behind the fake smile  I wear, behind the fake life I am living. Don't get fooled, I wear mask and beneath every mask there's another me who is all veiled and phony.
For once, listen to the words I am not saying. For once, try to understand than to be understood
I might look strong, I might look happy, I can make you sure that, I am secure and confident but the truth is I-am-not-the-person-you-know. I might look angry but I'd be accepting my mistake and if it is yours I am open and forgiving for you, for us. I might be laughing now but crying deep inside, I might be frustrated at things at times, I get mood swings all the time. There's always a reason for everything, every act we do, there must be. If you just give a one shot- not your best shot, will know why, but only for now try.
I admit, I need you, more than I need water and food to live. whenever you show some interest within me, I want to pour my heart out to you. It takes lot of courage and when I become successful  at gathering all my strength but, by then you again reformed into cold, you spaced out and detached. Is it fair?
I might be good at hiding my feelings and pretending everything is ''okay''. Yet, I am still asking to give a try. Just for once listen to the words I am not saying. Please listen.

Downtime.

It is very hard to accept failure.
I admit,

  I have failed. I failed without even trying. I gave up without even accepting my challenge . I regret. I feel remorse. I lack determination, hardwork, self-confidence, my list can go futher.
It's going to be a long journey to come back on track, to come back where I used to be.

  Angriness is eating me up from inside. I feel there's something in my body, crawling, running within my blood. Frustration, sadness, remorse, depression, headaches are giving me nothing. Yet, I still hope. I have faith. I believe, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. I am not optimist, but I do day-dreaming. I am going to get better soon.I hope! keeping my fingers crossed.

Chasing the Soul

My heart wanted to have a free soul. A soul that chases the dreams of her heart. I have been looking out for a sign that say you are independent and free to move. But, this is not right. Something is not fair. It was my culture who has kept me bound by itself.

 It was always in my mind why can' t do this or why can't I do that? Hanging out with friends was far, far away from my thoughts. It was not related to my family it was related to my society. The society; who I was a part of. I had a chance to live my life for a year as I wanted. I was allowed to hangout with friends, play when I want, watch television, play on Wii, slack off from work. It was a chance to try all those adventurous stuff, I had dreamed for. A year without any anyone looking out for you.
 This is not morally fine either. Right? For all those who asked me questions how did I do in America? What I did? How I spent my days and some irritable, annoying questions. (Not all of them are stupid questions). This blog is dedicated to them.

In short, I was placed in Troy, Missouri first then I moved to Salem, Missouri. My host family was changed once due to not getting mutually understand each other. Being different is good but being to much different which would count as weird is not so good! Well, moving on. I got a family whom I can rely on. A family who I called a family after my natural family. Although my host family was not rich as shown in American movies, it's just a stereotype about them. Saying this from what I have experienced.

Coming back to my host family. I had a host dad name ''Brian Inman''. The hilarious one; just like my real father whom I can fully trust on and can share anything with him. We would talk with each other for hours and can not be bored. I think, I would not get bored. There was so much to tell him. Our culture was so different from each other. He has always advised me and try to correct me. Unfortunately my little brain is just messed up. I forgets things pretty easily. He taught me fishing, swimming (not really) actually he threw me in water with a life jacket on with a believe that ''I will not drown''. He was so funny. Moreover he taught me riding four wheeler (secretly) on my request. We went for frog gigging. It was the scariest but fun experience ever. I can't forget that day. Everything was covered with darkness and we were with flash lights trying to blind frogs. He would teach me how to sing songs and taught me how to whistle but it was an epic fail. I was so horrible. I still am. But I miss all those days.

My host mom, ''Nancy''. She is just apple of an eye of everyone. She is a good cook plus she manages her kitchen greatly. She always tease me by saying ''clean as you go''. One day I cooked Biryani for host family. I did not turn out pretty good because I was out of some spices. Well, what can we expect from a county side. It's okay. Well, after that the whole kitchen was just a disaster. She did not yell at me for messing up with kitchen although I cleaned it afterwards but I learned the lesson of ''Clean as you go''. I miss her sometimes and all the lessons she has taught me. Before going to bed we always gave hug to each other. That was really so sweet. Sometimes we would misunderstand each other but it's a part of our life. We move on.

Salem High school was the school I went; I graduated from. SHS gave me lot of love, respect, memories. Me and my best friend of America, LIEN MAI NGYEN fromVietnam. My 4th sister. We would do some crazy exchange students stuff together and everyone would appreciate it. Salem's people are very warm welcoming people. Some of them were racist too beside them everyone is love. I would say it was just a very small town for a girl who has lived her life in a city. I miss my very first high school too. TROY BUCHANAN too but it was in a fate to move to different location.

P.S: I had a host family, A coordinator,  A great Regional director, host family's friends and my friends to look after me and keeping an eye on me.

Coming back to the story, I had a chance to be a rotten egg in that freedom of religion and culture's country but I choose not to. The culture is inside you not relying on the society. Yes, society means a lot to everyone and we should not do anything against it. Besides that man's will also matters a lot. We can not loose our true identity in order to gain society's praising words. People loves to talk behind back. They backbite, they gossip but is it what you want? No, then seek what you like for your own sake. No matter where you travel in this world every Country has their own culture and traditions; what I have learnt through my exchange year can not be defined in words. Especially I can not defined it myself but the very first lesson, I learnt is respecting those cultures and diversity without losing your true identity.

Spice of S.M.S

It has always been most of the Pakistani mother's reciting words that the cellphone in your hand goes in hell, you loose it, drop it somewhere, it will break by itself or I will split it into two pieces or someone snatch it from you so that I can live in peace.

 This is not my only mother. I bet, your mother would agree with my mother's word. It is a true story of every teenager. 

 I have been thinking what if we loose the messaging opportunity, what the life would be like without messaging or without talking  with friends. It is obvious texting itself is not a big deal. Talking with friends in a low, cheap cost matters that is why most of us message friends even if we are not chit chatting, we would forward messages. It is a leisure time fun activity. I am a texting freak when it comes to boredom. I send message to everyone in my contact book. Yes, it is a shame but I am proudly proud of it.

Here's are few advantages if we leave texting.

1. Our parents would be proud on us.
2. Life can not be annoying.
3. It will all tension free.
4. There will be no one to yell at you or say curse you.
5. You will be concentrating in your daily matter life.
6. Education? You will be a nerd somehow.
7. You will keep yourself busy in home choirs.
8. Instead of taking time to text, you will be going out to play.
9. People will know you inperson and know the truth.
10. Actually, they can see you while you are talking.
11. No more accidents due to texting and driving.
12. No more cheating. fraud or falsly statements.
13. No more wrong numbers stressful messages.
14. There will not be any usage of wrong sentence due to the bad habit of texting.
15.No more confusing acronyms and spoilt spoken language plus spoilt writing.
16. there will not be any gazing eyes of any aunt or uncle while you are playing S.M.S, S.M.S with your friends.
17. You can sleep peacefully.


On the other hand, if we do have the facility to text.

1. No one can be bored anymore.
2. Friends will be with you at any time
3. You will not be forever alone.
4. Actually, you will have fun by planning a hangout with friends.
5. Friends will always be there for you when you need them plus you can contact them in emergency if you do not have balance.
6. Life will be less stressful by not caring about anything at all.
7. Who cares if someone scold you. You can run away from it and talk almost freely with friends.
8. You can do fights secretly without letting anyone know.
9. You will have your love with you all the time just a minute away from cellphone.
10. You can say all those words which you can not say inperson and are afraid of it.
11. Ugly ones can get make people fall in love for them.
12. Writting all those things rather than telling them will help you not loose the person you like becasue if they are infront of them, then you can be in trouble. so writting all those things, clearing all points and send them to get a fast reply without waiting would be so awesome.
13. You can do flirting and pass your freaking bore-to-death time.
14. You can know strangers very well and be friends with them. That's always adventurious. ( I have never done this before)
15. You can bully people or blackmail them just for fun. (I don't agree with this one)
16. Funny jokes? There are always amzaingly funny messages revolving around; that will make you laugh out loud.
17. No more sadness due to sitting alone and not having a best friend by your side.
18. The list can go on and on but texting is just amzaing without it we will be doomed with all house choirs if we have some leisure time.


I do not know what to say about to text or not to text. The choice is yours. Everything has its advantages and disadvantages, if we 
misuse any opportunity, then we can not be happy with life. For a time being it will give us pleasure but in later on life we can not be happy from what we have.

Random!!

Well, I have been thinking what to write and I couldn’t come up with anything but the only reason I want to write is enhance my writing skills and to help boost my vocabulary.

 I am not a good writer and I don’t have any good reason to continue writing.

 I have heard good writers start with writing one or two lines and then continue to pen down their thought without any hesitation or complications. 

As the matter of fact, I have written couple of blogs but they didn’t get to be encouraged by people. I think they didn’t even try to read them. Pitiable. Right? Well, it’s okay I am going to write till my hands and my brain start working to write things up.

For that reason, I have decided to do a project called “6 days in a row’’.  In this I am going to write daily whatever click my mind. To write a blog I need to be persistent which I am not. True that. Well, I think I can do it. I almost spend 1-2 hours daily on facebook doing nothing; if I give my 30 minutes to write few lines then it will not be a big deal. 

Still a lot of lessons to learn.

Knock, Knock, Knockkk*
 I jumped out of my bed, rubbed my eye in order to clean them and opened the door. It was my host dad waiting for me to opened the door. I greeted him and he did to. He asked me if I am ready to go for the picnic.
Dad, what time is it?
''It's 6:45 and you are not ready. Get ready in 5 minutes or else we are going to leave you at home''he replied in a resentful manner.
Well, I picked up my backpack and went upstairs to my bathroom to wash my face and changed my clothes. After 10 minutes I was sitting at the back seat in the car. Moving on we started our trip to Clear water lake. I didn't dare to say anything because I was still sleepy a little bit from the night before it. I stayed up late that night. At 7 a.m. my alarm started ringing. My host mother looked at me. I told her it's my alarm so I could be up for today. She asked me why did I put for 7 a.m. I told her that you told me we will be leaving at 8. That's why I put that. She denied it and told me that we said that we will be leaving between 6 to 7 a.m.
 Well, it's not a big surprise. Sometimes she changes her mind like changing clothes. I didn't want to argue with her. They changed their plan because they wanted to eat out. I apologized her still after knowing that I was right.
 We went to sonic, I had French toast and lemonade for breakfast.
 Then they drive to their friend's house to pick them up, they were going with us too. At 7:45 we arrived there and found out that they just got up and we had to wait for them about 1:30 minutes there.
Every minute was thorn in my side. Those 90 minutes were rational to the hunger pain of  last minutes of a fast.

At last we finally moved towards our designation. This waiting procedure was horrible to me and now I know when you wait for someone on something how it feels like. I have gotten a lot better after living in United States where people stress more on time where as if I compare it to my family in Pakistan, I think that it is our family tradition not being on time. The journey continues. I pray to Allah that make me a good person in future with all the good deeds. (Ammeen)