Life Update: 2024

It's been years since I entered anything in my online journal.

Things have changed a lot in the past decade, drastically even.

I'm married now. I got married to Mesum Rizvi on December 23rd, 2023. We held our Wedding Reception on 25th December, 2023. 

From being complete strangers to deeply and maddingly in love with each other is another story for another blog. 

As for the live update, I'm still living in Pakistan. I never got the chance to go back to America.

I'm working as a content creator in the IT sector, or in fancy words, an Assistant Manager in Content Production Department.

I've been through many ups and downs over the years, but I've come out of all of them stronger.

I believe everything shall pass. This shall pass too.

Goodbye until the next update.

Love,

Ridaebatool

You forgot, what you once knew.

For you, everything is money.

But you forgot,

Soon your eternal place shall be grave, the dark place for which you were only brought up.

                                            

For you, everything should be shiny, catchy, and expensive to tell worth by itself .

But you forgot,

Total nothingness is your destiny, you were made out of dust and being dust again is your fate.

For you, physical beauty is everything.

But you forgot,

Soon the lines, marks, and wrinkles will emerge and all the scratches, hatred and grief will sparkle on the face, like a gem shining in the day light.

For you, love is bought and sold in markets.

But you forgot,

Strong souls were never on auctions.

For you, wisdom is a commodity.

But you forgot,

There’s a big sign board with neon lights which reads: ‘’Given to a few’’, and now many consider themselves to be in those few, including you.

A Strange good-bye.

He held her hands tightly yet softly asking her to stay for few more minutes. As she turned back she saw him smiling but his eyes were speaking of great fear he was struggling with. Reflection of his soul could be seen through his wide-dark gloomy eyes but she overlooked it, pretended not to see it. She screamed, ''Leave my hand'', she could have asked it gently but tried to be as harsh as she could. She jerked and pulled off  her hand from his, trying to make this good-bye easier for him in her way.

 He could see the storm in her eyes, but silently stood there.

 This time, she broke the long silence and said again‘’let me go, I have to keep on going’’

 He drew himself very close, closed to her lips and kissed her, may be for the last time. Strongly but passionately. After a minute he managed to pull himself back; far enough to see her face, to see her eyes, and here he read her eyes that were speaking of the truth which she wasn't been able to tell him or as if she has found the part of herself that had been missing. Finally he said,

 ‘’Today Love does not demand to be declared, today I see that in your eyes, feel it in your voice, you were never stopped from dreaming and aiming high’’.

'Dream means work, I will stand by you. Like always'.

It was a strange way of saying good-bye to each other but both were happy in their hearts, as they walk back home.

Rant#1

I have been trying to solve a paper since morning; hours have been passed and I can't get it done. Its just 50 blanks which I have to find it from the given chapters and I just can't.

A Song. An old Indian movie song is stuck in my head and it keeps on repeating every after a minute at the background and I don't even know that song well enough. Its the freaking tittle line and I feel like it will last forever. Please get the heck out of my head?

Noises. noises. everywhere.

 the water pumping machine,

 the sewing machine on which my mother is sewing something.

 the television.

siblings talk

the washing machine

and this songggg.

Decluttering.

 You rise every time when you fall.

But, what if you stumble, and fall every minute you walk up? You start wobbling and tilting when you try to stand straight. From here to there, just a single step forward, and dhrum* dhrum* bhrrom*! Three steps down, in another moment you come to know someone has slipped again and when you come back into your senses, you realize it is you on the floor; clinching eyes with a frown on the mouth, just pretending to die for a moment or maybe praying to pass out.  Why the heck I did not see that. This is insane.

Oh. Yes, you are insane. Not because you fell again but cause’ you did not count how many times you stand back on your feet. This shall to pass and you will learn.

      But what if someone likes being on floor?  This temporary place becomes permanent? Isn’t a lot easier then? No more bruises or blood dripping down through ankle or knee, no more tears. You learn to accept things as they are now. Gulping down the fact that you are a looser, loner and stupid, eventually the struggle ceases. Things get incredibly easy when you learn accepting your faults, when you know them. Don’t they?

       Sigh* you surrendered that easily? Are you running away? Why do you even worry if things get out of your hand? Or something bad happens to you? You got nothing to loose coward. Try facing it; if you can’t then stop complaining about others and question yourself, what are you doing? All you are doing is withdrawing from your empty account. Please, deposit in it first. Do you happen to know where that strong person is? which I used to know; after some time, may be a year later you will laugh about all this and thanks Allah for making you go all through hard time. It only makes you strong, stronger than ever before.

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                

To be reactive or not to be?

They bring hate into your peaceful life, destroy your inner peace, destroy personal relations,  and all you are left behind is with loneness even when you are surrounded by people. They bring insecurities in your life and you get lost in a room with 100s door in it, and every door has 100 doors in it; they hunt you down, their high pitched shout echoes in ear, follows you everywhere, chase you like a dead-man’s ghost chasing to take revenge and you don’t find any place to hide. Carving haterism, piercing your heart out, you scream, scream with pain and no one hears you. They can drive you irrational, crazy, leaving you insane, forcing you to get hollow. Hollow from inside, pressurizing you to become friends with selfishness, they carry petrol to burn you down at any moment you can see the bright light, yellow light, red light, no more black shadows up on the sky, flaring up the sensitive emotions with sound of roaring, blaring, and explosions and smoke everywhere; or drag you into a hole, the black hole and you don’t get a chance to use your senses; within a minute you become an unknown for others; people forget you or vindictively keep torturing you, play with your feelings and sentiments, evoking you until and unless you show some reaction and all you want to do is to show some patience; if you don’t want to  hurt the other person as much you are now. They are words. Either way they have huge impact on anyone's life, choose them wisely. They make you or break you.

Twinkle in your eyes with a touch of sarcasm

That disturbing smile of yours; that faded grin

I know you are good at it, but I will not let you win.

Not this time.

YOU!

No matter what happens. I'll always miss you and love you in a discrete way (only bhaiyo and friends walla!) where ever you go,you will always be in my thoughts. May Allah keeps you all healthy and wealthy and May your all dreams come true and May you find your true love soon. Ameen. 

(Just because I was missing you chuzzu) ;) 

All I connected is you!

All I want is you to be happy

Not some bunch of people saaying stuff to you

And that part of you being stupid saying all mean things to yourself

You dare call yourself a retard....!!

You are way better and amazing than that.

Why the hell people ask me a reason to love them?

I just love you cause' you are you. 

and that's it..!

When I get all down and sad, you cheer me up. Even if you have to insult me. 

Yea right, Beegar gai hai tuu..

petrol daal k aag laga deni chahye tujhy

sansaar kar dena chahyee!!

If you wanna hear that? then hell nooo! Jahil.

Become an opimist you weirdo!

Because I know you are love

And I believe you alone can shake the world

Just keep your mind healthy

Don't waste your time!

when you know, you can do a lot..

P.S: We fight a lot and apologize but after making each other look and feel so bad; we don't talk now much as we used to do cause' you know; we may get all emotional and sentimental at times (I blame you); we may crack jokes on each other (I know, I am sucha dork some times); we may insult (I deserve that as well as u); we may get mad at each other and curse(LOL we do this everytime we talk)..

But even after all of this we are we! You have always motivated me, keep doing that.. I might will need you soon to make me Me again. I owe you big times. THANKS.